A funny MV on youtube by Weird AL that weird musician that does paradies of famous singer's songs like puff daddy.
Weird Al -- White N' Nerdy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0jL0r2I2kqY
[Joke/comedy thread] Post your jokes and comedy here
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froggyboy604
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SetoTK
- Low flying mountains just to the right.
- Posts: 5092
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How to Catch a White Elephant
Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins).
Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.
The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins).
Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins).
The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual.
When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger.
And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.
----
The Beachcomber
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
----
I'll be here all week
Go to an place where there are white elephants. Bring with you a muffin (with raisins).
Climb a tree. When the white elephant is close, drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.
The white elephant will be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins). White elephants like muffins (with raisins).
Repeat this procedure for five days in a row. After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin (with raisins).
The sixth day you climb the tree, bringing with you a muffin (without raisins). Drop the muffin (without raisins) as usual.
When the white elephant finds out that the muffin (without raisins) lacks rasins, it will darken in anger.
And then you catch it the same way you catch an ordinary grey elephant.
----
The Beachcomber
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!"
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
----
I'll be here all week
I never really understood Thursdays.
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SetoTK
- Low flying mountains just to the right.
- Posts: 5092
- Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2005 8:34 pm
- Location: London, England
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Speeding
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off Route 119."
One Sunday, sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH.
He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over.
Approaching the car, he notices that there are five little old Indian ladies - two in the front seat and three in the back - wide eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! I always go exactly the speed limit. What seems to be the problem?"
"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."
"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly! Twenty-two miles an hour!" the old Indian woman says a bit proudly.
The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit.
A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error.
"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask . . . Is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern.
"Oh, they'll be all right, officer. We just got off Route 119."
I never really understood Thursdays.
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babydorkee
- Deejay
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- Location: cali
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haha thats funniee..
.....
here are some blonde jokes that i found..hehe
1.
T-G-I-F
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
2.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
car
with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!"
3.
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new
blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice
denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
4.
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
5.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail.'"
6.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all died and went to heaven. God said if they jumped off this one cliff and said what they wanted to be in the next life, it would happen.
The redhead jumped off, said fox, and became a fox.
The brunette jumped off, said eagle, and became an eagle.
The blonde ran up, tripped, and said, "Oh, mini cooper!!!"
7.
Q: What did the blonde say to her dad when she opened the box of
cherios?
A: "Look daddy, donut seeds!"
8.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dumb blonde, it's me!"
9.
Hello UFO
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."
10.
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said,"We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian, to which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
.....
here are some blonde jokes that i found..hehe
1.
T-G-I-F
A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered
the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted
him by saying "T-G-I-F"
He smiled at her and replied "S-H-I-T"
She looked at him, puzzled, and said "T-G-I-F" again.
He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T".
The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a
quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T".
The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she
said, "T-G-I-F, T-hank G-oodness I-ts F-riday; get it?"
The man answered, "S-orry H-oney, I-t's T-hursday".
2.
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their
car
with a coat hanger.
First Blonde: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde: "Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is
down!"
3.
A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new
blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice
denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing
them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".
4.
The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
5.
A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it, then slammed it shut and stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'You've got mail.'"
6.
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all died and went to heaven. God said if they jumped off this one cliff and said what they wanted to be in the next life, it would happen.
The redhead jumped off, said fox, and became a fox.
The brunette jumped off, said eagle, and became an eagle.
The blonde ran up, tripped, and said, "Oh, mini cooper!!!"
7.
Q: What did the blonde say to her dad when she opened the box of
cherios?
A: "Look daddy, donut seeds!"
8.
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dumb blonde, it's me!"
9.
Hello UFO
A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in
big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft.
As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the
tank and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally
uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've
been working here for five years. Of course I know what 'UFO'
means - it means 'Unleaded Fuel Only'."
10.
A Russian, an American, and a blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said,"We were the first on the moon!" The blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian, to which the blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
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babydorkee
- Deejay
- Posts: 2112
- Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:44 am
- Location: cali
- Contact:
more jokes...
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
-----------------------
Farewell, Old Friend.
12.15.06
There are days when you would never expect such things to happen--like when your favorite uncle, Jeff passed away from an STD, or someone in your family divorces. It comes blindly and it comes swiftly, and you definitely don't want it to happen.
Her smooth delicate exterior, innocent facade, and quiet spirit shouldn't deserve any of this. But that's life. Things happen for a reason. She's the one who would keep you warm when cold. Would know when to quench your thirst when you were slaving away in the backyard. And who could forget the lovely nights of drunken debauchery? If you knew her, you immediately wanted to grab her and hug her.
Her unshakable optimism was visible daily through a shiney smile that stretched from ear to ear. It was a sort of visual chivalry. You can't picture her without a smile. Seeing that grin made you feel warm inside because you were reminded that true innocence exists. She exuded an aura of "charm" and everyone who's met her always gave her a friendly kiss --I'm sure both parties enjoyed it--much to my chagrin at times (germs!). Fun times were had. Fun times together.
She never asked for much. In fact, if anything, she provided and kept me company for all the short years in existence. And when company was here, she was up for the challenge and took at it with gusto.
I saw the signs. She was wearing thin, growing weak with each passing month. I knew the day would come. It was just too early, and I didn't want to admit it. So that fateful day came. She left me. My hand around her body, the cold rain pouring over her and drenching my hand. I could hear her faintly squeak--morbidly cute. With her last ounce of strength, she wrapped around my hand. My hand, never feeling such strength from her; I was in disarray. In fact, she left me a memorable "gift" before she left--a deep cut on my right hand before she left me to live a permanent life deep underground, buried under trash.
That's when I realized at that very moment, that split second, I broke my favorite cup and was lost forever. I miss her.
by: Calakusa
A little girl and her mother were out and about.
Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"
The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."
The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"
Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."
The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"
The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."
The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.
The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."
Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.
The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."
The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"
The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."
"Where did you learn that?"
The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
-----------------------
Farewell, Old Friend.
12.15.06
There are days when you would never expect such things to happen--like when your favorite uncle, Jeff passed away from an STD, or someone in your family divorces. It comes blindly and it comes swiftly, and you definitely don't want it to happen.
Her smooth delicate exterior, innocent facade, and quiet spirit shouldn't deserve any of this. But that's life. Things happen for a reason. She's the one who would keep you warm when cold. Would know when to quench your thirst when you were slaving away in the backyard. And who could forget the lovely nights of drunken debauchery? If you knew her, you immediately wanted to grab her and hug her.
Her unshakable optimism was visible daily through a shiney smile that stretched from ear to ear. It was a sort of visual chivalry. You can't picture her without a smile. Seeing that grin made you feel warm inside because you were reminded that true innocence exists. She exuded an aura of "charm" and everyone who's met her always gave her a friendly kiss --I'm sure both parties enjoyed it--much to my chagrin at times (germs!). Fun times were had. Fun times together.
She never asked for much. In fact, if anything, she provided and kept me company for all the short years in existence. And when company was here, she was up for the challenge and took at it with gusto.
I saw the signs. She was wearing thin, growing weak with each passing month. I knew the day would come. It was just too early, and I didn't want to admit it. So that fateful day came. She left me. My hand around her body, the cold rain pouring over her and drenching my hand. I could hear her faintly squeak--morbidly cute. With her last ounce of strength, she wrapped around my hand. My hand, never feeling such strength from her; I was in disarray. In fact, she left me a memorable "gift" before she left--a deep cut on my right hand before she left me to live a permanent life deep underground, buried under trash.
That's when I realized at that very moment, that split second, I broke my favorite cup and was lost forever. I miss her.
by: Calakusa
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froggyboy604
- Anime music gaming Fanatic
- Posts: 35814
- Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:28 pm
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Save Money On Gym Membership By Working Out At Walmart.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En60GZQ09PM&eurl=
I wonder how long can he exercise at wal-mart till a employee kicks him out of the store.
S: http://consumerist.com/consumer/walmart ... 228610.php
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=En60GZQ09PM&eurl=
I wonder how long can he exercise at wal-mart till a employee kicks him out of the store.
S: http://consumerist.com/consumer/walmart ... 228610.php
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froggyboy604
- Anime music gaming Fanatic
- Posts: 35814
- Joined: Thu Aug 18, 2005 11:28 pm
- Contact: