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Ha! made me laugh, nice one =]

I.T

Thank you kindly Miss! >D

things you never know in movies.

-during all police investigations, it will be necessary to search a strip club at least once.
-when they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak english to each other
-if being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing parade-at any time of the year
-all beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her
-the chief of police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job
-all grocery bags contain at least one french bread
-the ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any part of the building undetected
-police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite
-the eiffel tower can be seen from any window in paris
-all bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off
-you are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home
-should you wish to pass yourself as a german officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - simply having a german accent will do
-a man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds
-kitchens don't have light switches, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead
-if staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noise in their most revealing underwear
-cars that crash will almost always burst into flames
-mediaeval peasants had perfect teeth
-any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant
-even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right
-it is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting
-a detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty
-it does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors
-no one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock
-any lock can be picked with a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless its the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside
-television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired

^^ LOL! It sure seems like it in some of these movies! XD

Where do Pokémon trainers shop?

The Gotta Catch'em Mall!

LOL, rubbish, I know, but I suck at jokes.

Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy."

The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies."

A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring college students!"

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

I do physical labor.
I work at great depths.
I plunge headfirst into everything I do.
I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment.
I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,
P. Niss



The Response:

Dear Penis:
After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:
You do not work 8 hours straight.
You fall asleep after brief work periods.
You do not always follow the orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen visiting other locations.
You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts.
You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed assigned task.
And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.


-- V. Gina.

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."

The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.

The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."

The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.

Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."

Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She said, "Thank God you're here -- we could really use your help! We found the milkman dead on our porch this morning!"